We interrupt your regularly scheduled social media to tell you what to do...

Here in Canada, it is a tradition to observe a minute of silence for Remembrance Day on November 11th at 11:11am. Each year on twitter, as that time approaches, the people of twitter remind others to bring their key tapping to a halt for sixty seconds. Then, around 11:12am, there are people complaining that others didn't observe the minute of silence. Never mind the fact that they may not be Canadian. Never mind the fact that they may be in a different time zone.   Somehow people expect that twitter should actually go silent because they are observing a minute of silence.

When our world is falling apart or when our world is celebrating, we expect others to stop, take notice, and shift gears.

That's a silly example, but also a real one. We all get so wrapped up in our own context that we forget it is but one piece of a much larger world with many moving pieces.

When our world is falling apart or when our world is celebrating, we expect others to stop, take notice, and shift gears. 

Sometimes the world does and sometimes it doesn't.

Photo by Evgeny Sergeev/iStock / Getty Images
Photo by Evgeny Sergeev/iStock / Getty Images

We're in lock down. Are you with us?

I can think of three situations in the past few years where a city was on lock down while a dangerous killer was on the loose. There were probably others too, but there are three that popped up on my social media radar in a significant way. 

The first was the police hunt in the aftermath of the Boston Marathon bombing. I know people in Boston. We probably all know people in Boston. I was concerned, I was checking in with my friends, and I was following the news. Some people and some brands, however, didn't stop, take notice and change course. They just kept tweeting the way they usually would and didn't stop previously scheduled tweets. This was widely criticized, along the lines of this article by Falkon Digital:

At first a few scheduled tweets went out but as the night went on my own timeline was littered with tweets from brands who really needed to turn off the scheduled tweets and post a more sensitive response or just keep quiet.

Many of the brands were probably oblivious to the fact their tweets were receiving negative feedback and looked heartless in such tragedy. So a note to all you brand managers if you hear of a national or international crisis get on to your social media account (whether via a third party platform or direct) and put those scheduled tweets on hold.

Hold on for a moment. Who defines what is a national or international crisis? 

The Boston Marathon bombing killed three people and injured hundreds of others. A week later, the Rana Plaza garment factory collapsed in Bangladesh killing more than 1000 people. Many American brands were directly implicated and while a select few people were asking those brands questions about their involvement, there didn't seem to be any calls for them to stop their scheduled tweets promoting exactly the type of cheap fashion that led to those deaths. There weren't calls for other people to stop whatever they were tweeting about and just pray for Dhaka.

Speaking of international crises, let's get back to those other lock downs that I remember. Does Moncton ring a bell? Last year, a gunman shot five RCMP police officers, three of them fatally, and was then on the loose. Moncton was in lock down for more than 24 hours. Like with the Boston attack, I was horrified, I was following the news, and I was checking in with friends in Moncton to see how they were doing. 

But what was everyone else doing? Well, that probably depends where you live. Canadians were following what was happening, and tweeting their concern, but if I didn't know where the Canada/U.S. border was, I could easily draw it on this trendsmap.

The other lock down I remember was in Ottawa when a man shot a soldier at the War Memorial and then headed into the Parliament Buildings. I remember that one because it was an event of national significance and because I was in lock down alone in my office a few blocks from the shooting. On lock down, I couldn't concentrate on my work, so I had nothing to do but refresh twitter and facebook and try to get more information on what was happening.  So I saw exactly how the world didn't stop, take notice and shift gears. I got some "stay safe" messages on facebook, but the rest was people continuing with their usual happy children at the playground, toaster giveaways, fluffy celebrity articles, and so on.

Should I have been horrified? Should I have called them out for not stopping? Or is it just normal?

Let's talk about now

Last week, as the United States celebrated the long overdue Supreme Court ruling on equal marriage, the world celebrated with America. Facebook profiles turned rainbow coloured and #lovewins trended everywhere. Not just in America, it trended around the world. You can't see the Canada/U.S. border on this map.

But looking at a twitter trends map in the United States or anywhere in the world on that day  you wouldn't know that four horrible terrorist attacks took place.

That all happened on the day that love won in the United States and no one noticed. Or at least no one talked about it. Everyone was rightly celebrating the Supreme Court ruling and I am not criticizing them for that, but I do wonder how such horrific events can go unnoticed and undiscussed.

Just a week earlier, nine people were killed in a horrible racist terrorist attack on a church in Charleston, South Carolina. Everyone was talking about it on twitter as they should have been. When it happened, people who went on tweeting the same things they do on any other day were criticized for doing so. But what made the events in Charleston more worthy of stopping, taking notice and changing gears than the events in Tunisia, Kuwait, Somaila and France? I don't think it is just an issue of America being insular (although I think that is part of it), since the United States did take stop and take notice when the Charlie Hebdo attacks took place.

I wonder what would have happened if the Supreme Court ruling on equal marriage had happened on the same day as the Charleston shooting. Would we have been able to mourn, to express outrage, and celebrate at the same time? Or would one have taken over and the other been buried?

Are we in this together?

Does the world go on lock down with us? Does the world grieve with us? Does the world celebrate with us? Does the world express its outrage with us? Does the world call for change with us?

When something big happens, are we in it together? 

I would say that we're not. We're all in our own world making decisions about what affects us and what we feel we need to speak out about. I appreciate a gentle nudge, or even a not so gentle nudge, to wake up and pay attention to something. I am a person who likes to pay attention to things.

But I think when we ask people to stop and shift gears, we may be asking too much. Unless we have and we would always do the same thing for them. Take a moment to think about who "them" is. The world is a big place and there are a lot of things going on. Sure you tweeted #bringourgirlsback. But that was one issue, one time. Are you really on top of everything? Do you even know whether the Nigerian school girls were ever found?

Who am I saying this for?

I'm not saying this for myself, because I didn't need you all to stop what you were doing when Canada was on lock down. I only noticed that you didn't stop because it seemed like a double standard. I wondered why your lock down was important and my lock down was not.

I'm saying this for the issues that go unnoticed or that get forgotten quickly. The ones where no one stops, tells everyone to shut up and listen and turn off the scheduled tweets. The ones that get swept under the rug over and over again.

Figuring out how we get those issues talked about is more important to me than whether someone continues their scheduled tweets or posts a picture of their lunch during a crisis.  So let's keep talking about racism and #BlackLivesMatter because I love the momentum I've seen on those issues and we need more of it. But let's also talk about #MMAW, which needs more momentum (please do me a favour and take a moment to learn about it if you don't know what it is). And  let's keep talking about the many other globally important issues and events.

Rather than telling other people what they need to stop tweeting perhaps we should all stop and think about what we are not bothering to tweet.

Are we too quick to judge?

Part of the premise for this blog is that I don't have all the answers, but I love looking for them. So I'm just going to talk out loud for a moment. I don't know if I have this right, but I'd like to talk about it.

Yesterday, I saw some exchanges on twitter and facebook that bothered me and I've been thinking about them since. One friend who is a fitness professional observed someone making a less than ideal breakfast choice and tweeted her dismay at their choice.  Other friends responded (directly or indirectly) criticizing her for shaming people for their food choices. 

 Image adapted from Kooroshication on flickr.

 Image adapted from Kooroshication on flickr.

Let me start by saying that I could have written either of those tweets.

I have judged people (sometimes silently and sometimes out loud) for their food choices and I'm not proud of it.

I have also judged people (sometimes silently and sometimes out loud) for one judgmental tweet or facebook status that they wrote and I'm not proud of it.

Reflecting on yesterday, I think the ideal response to the original tweet would have been to say: "Sometimes I have breakfast for dinner, sometimes I have dessert for breakfast. One meal isn't what matters, it is balance over time."  Not adding to the judgment, not judging her, just gently educating (which was likely her intent and the intent of those who replied to her, even if it didn't come across that way in either case).  Hindsight is 20/20.

My actual reply, which I'm not proud of, was: "I once saw a guy order 8 chocolate chip cookies at Starbucks at 8am. Thought maybe for a meeting he was hosting. But then he proceeded to sit down and eat them all." Yes, I judged that guy. I didn't judge him out loud (in person or on  social media) in that moment, but I did do so yesterday. Again, I'm not proud of it.

I'm trying to learn to be less judgmental of people based on one action (whether that is something they did or something they said). The article How One Stupid Tweet Blew Up Justine Sacco's Life is a good example of where things can go when we judge people based on one status update. Was her tweet wrong? Yes. Was the reaction to it (which I contributed to) out of proportion? Also yes.

Does this mean that I won't judge and that I won't call people or organizations out for bad decisions? No, absolutely not. But I'm going to try to save my outrage and my focus for patterns of wrongdoing, rather than individual instances. I'm going to try to pause before reacting and think about whether my response is a constructive one or just a knee-jerk reaction.

I say I'm going to try because I'm not perfect either and I don't want to make a promise I can't keep. I hope you'll forgive me for that.

Why I abandoned my popular social media presence

A couple of weeks ago, I had just under 80,000 twitter followers and just over 42,000 facebook fans, but now I don't. I decided a while ago that I was going to start this new blog, but I wasn't sure initially whether I should rebrand on social media (i.e. change my twitter handle and facebook page name) or just start fresh.

"You're giving away 80,000 followers?!", one twitter friend asked/exclaimed in a direct message when I explained what I was doing.

A lot of people have been surprised by my choice, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense and felt right.

When I started my first blog in 2008, my goal was to grow it. I didn't have specific financial aspirations related to the growth of my blog, but I wanted to share my ideas and I wanted to prove to myself that I had what it takes to grow a successful social media presence. I learned a lot during the seven years that I wrote a popular parenting blog, but I also learned what it means to become a victim of your own success.

Why are you on social media?

Have you ever stopped to think about why you are on social media? For me, it has always been about connecting with people, learning from my community, and contributing to that community. Page views, subscribers, followers and fans were never a stand alone goal. They were a means to an end -- the promise of a potential connection.

What I didn't realize at the time, however, was that the larger my blog became, the less time I would spend connecting with people and the more time I would spend sifting through spam and requests for help from people I don't know. These aren't people who wanted to connect with me. These are people who wanted access to my audience.

I love your blog! Could you....?

I still remember the first time a large parenting site put out a list of Top 50 mom bloggers. Everyone was either thrilled to be on it or annoyed that they (or their friend) had been overlooked. I wasn't on that list, but I was on numerous other lists after that point.

Being put on the Top 10 this and Top 50 that lists is flattering at first glance. In retrospect though, I think the only thing I gained from those lists was a spot on every PR person's e-mail blast list. I get:

  • Press releases (for things related to my blog and things that are completely unrelated);
  • Invitations to events that are far away from where I live (and no, they won't pay travel);
  • High res images of new products or expensive vacation destinations;
  • Requests to guest post on my blog from people I've never heard of on topics that are not of interest to my readers;
  • Offers for product reviews, giveaways and sponsored posts (although my blog clearly indicated that I don't do those); and,
  • Offers to interview "experts" of all kinds (to help the "experts" promote their new book, of course).

Lists lead to more lists (because one lazy editor just borrows another editor's list, makes a few changes, and republishes it) and more lists lead to more spam.

Over the years, I've clicked on unsubscribe links. I've reported messages as spam. I've set up template response e-mails and fired them off (no, I don't accept unsolicited guest posts, no I don't do product reviews, yes I accept ads and here are the specs). I've used unroll.me and e-mail filters to keep as much unsolicited e-mail out of my inbox as possible. The "spam from PR companies" folder that the filters send e-mails to is stuffed full of messages that I've never looked at. Unfortunately, so is my inbox. Technology only goes so far.

On my facebook page, I disabled the function that allows other people to post on the wall because 95% of the time it was spam. Every day I had to go in and delete comments on my facebook posts that were spam.  On twitter, if I logged in after being away from the computer for a bit, it was more spam --- support my kickstarter, retweet my blog post, share our new product with your followers, join our twitter sponsored party, retweet our contest. The more intrusive and egregious the request, the more likely it came completely out of the blue from a stranger.

What happened to listening and engaging with people? What happened to "how are you?" I remember when people used to complain about people tweeting what they had for breakfast. Perhaps they still do complain. That never bothered me though. At least their breakfast didn't want something from me.

Everyone is watching...

When my twitter followers and facebook fans started growing at a faster pace, I also felt like I lost sight of who was following me. I couldn't notice each new follower and take in who they were. I started to feel self conscious about everything that I posted. I had to assume at any point that through my own social media channels or through other people sharing my posts that anyone I know, even peripherally, could be following along. Slowly but surely, I started to feel like I was standing naked in the middle of a huge stadium but couldn't see the faces in the crowd. They might be people I know, but they might be strangers. They might be friendly, but they might not. They might be looking at me, or they might be trying to flag down the beer guy. Anything I wouldn't stand up and say it in front of a crowd of 120,000 plus people, I also couldn't say on any of my public social media spaces. I started to retreat to my personal facebook profile, where at least I had some idea who my 666 friends were (yes, that's my current creepy friend count).

Image credit: Steven DePolo on Flickr

...but no one is watching.

Not having a grasp on who was watching was disconcerting, but at the same time it also felt like no one was really watching. Perhaps no one is a stretch. But 80,000 twitter followers doesn't always translate into a lot of engagement or clicks. Anil Dash wrote about this in his article called Nobody Famous. People constantly ask him to re-tweet things that he has no interest in sharing. In his article he wrote that his large following isn't as valuable as people perceive it to be:

Worst of all: Nobody clicks. Well, not nobody, but out of about 550,000 followers on Twitter, it’s very common for fewer than 400 of them to click on a link I share. (That’s .07%!)

My experience on twitter was similar.  I was also on twitter's list of suggested people to follow from mid 2009 to mid 2011. I don't know why I was added to the list (nor was I ever notified) or why I was eventually removed. During that time period, my number of followers increased significantly. It had been growing quickly before that and continued growing quickly after that, but I probably gained at least 25,000 followers who joined twitter, followed a bunch of people, and never came back. Even people who were once active twitter users are not necessarily still active. That means that not all of my 80,000 followers are going to see the things that I tweet. Not even close.

For those of you who are analytics geeks like I am, this graphic compares my twitter analytics for my previous large twitter account with the analytics for my new smaller one. In both cases, it is for a fourteen day time period during which I was actively tweeting, but not over-actively tweeting.

Could I have gotten more engagement? Sure. I know how to play that game. Ask mundane questions that everyone has an answer for and tons people will jump in. If I were in it just for the numbers, I could get the numbers. I learned that a long time ago.

Although I had just slightly more than half as many facebook fans as twitter followers, I found the facebook page harder to give up. Despite many people's complaining about the facebook algorithm, it worked for me. When I posted things there, the reach ranged from thousands to tens of thousands to even upward of a million on a really good post. That translated into comments and clicks, in the hundreds to thousands to sometimes tens of thousands. But they were just numbers. So many of them were people who flew in, dropped a comment on one post, and then never said anything again. It didn't feel like a community and more often than not, I ended up playing referee.

Smaller and cozier

I logged into my new e-mail address today and do you know what I found? Other than a few social media notifications, I had just one e-mail. It was an e-mail from a friend just checking in to say hello. Such a breath of fresh air.

On twitter, I don't feel bombarded with spam and requests from strangers. When I see new interactions, they're usually interesting ones from people whose voices I value.

I don't know where this new blog and the related social media presence will go, but for now growth isn't a goal. Finding the right connections, and doing that slowly, is my path forward at the moment.